Family Technology Use Agreement - Building a culture of love and respect

As the routines have started to embed themselves into your family life for another exciting school year, I’d like to pose a question. Have you created your Family Technology Use Agreement for 2019?

Even if you created an agreement last year it’s time to have the conversation again. We have new devices, new statistics and information regarding internet safety and digital citizenship, and our children are all another year older.

Make sure that you check out the resources on this blog and keep reading if you are needing some ideas on how to create your family's Agreement. Try to make this a quality time experience for you all and remember to talk more about what to do rather than simply coming up with a list of DON’T’S.

As I explain in the article below, this is about establishing your family culture in regards to technology use. Discussions that reflect on how our actions may impact the family may start out tough but they are always fruitful and ultimately draw us closer as a family. 

I’d love to hear from you when you’ve had a family meeting - let me know how it went. I'm here if you are stuck for ideas or are just needing some encouragement as you venture into what can feel like unknown territory. Your story may inspire or encourage someone else. Please use the comment function to share your experiences.

Blessings, Frances 

Family Technology Use Agreement ideas

It is recommended that parents establish guidelines and agreements around the use of technology in the home and in particular, their child’s computer use. We understand that it can be challenging for parents when their children seem to spend endless hours on their laptop instead of interacting with the family. It is also frustrating to see homework become a mix of socialising with friends, playing games, watching YouTube, surfing the web and perhaps actually working on an assignment. Having children playing or socialising online can raise a range of other concerns and cyber-safety issues.

I am a great believer in developing the culture first, which then establishes rules and boundaries that sit within it. If you build a strong enough culture then you will rarely need to re-enforce rules.

A favourite quote is, “Culture eats strategy for breakfast.”

Things that can be reflected in the culture of any family surround these main values and practices:

1.        1. We show love and respect for one another - this includes looking out for each other.

        Respect and take responsibility for yourself, others and everything around you. In

        Christian homes we love and respect God and honour His word, the Bible, by using it as a

        road map for how to live as individuals and as a family.

2.       We keep communication open – we are interested and invested in each other’s lives

"In our busy lives it can be difficult to find time to spend together, particularly when an adolescent is resistant to that because they believe it's a ‘daggy thing' to spend time with your parents," Dr Hudson says. By making time for your child, you're also making space for them to tell you about their life. Why not keep the dinner table a technology free zone?

3.       We make it safe to tell – we value honesty

Sometimes parents, you need to brace yourselves for what you may hear or see. A wrong response from you could end the conversation right there. Your child needs to know from the outset that they can come to you with any concerns, little or big. You want them to know that they can talk to you if they are contacted by a predator or are being bullied, they can tell you without fear of losing their internet or laptop access. The fear of being 'cut off' from the online world could prevent your child from speaking up.
Dr Hudson suggests shared problem-solving techniques to get kids on-board with your rules – especially when they hit the teen years. Tell your child you're concerned about their sleep and their safety, and ask them to help you write down as many solutions as possible.
"It's necessary for parents to set boundaries for their child," Dr Hudson says. She suggests consequences for breaking rules could be loss of recreational screen time or other privileges. Whatever those consequences are – you must be consistent in following through.

4.       We solve problems together

"When you've both come up with a list, decide which ones you can toss out and which ones you can both live with," Dr Hudson says.

5.       We are consistent with rules

 (Some extracts taken from an article with advice from Jennifer Hudson, a professor of psychology at Macquarie University)

Here are some rules/guidelines made by parents in BYOD communities. We encourage you to negotiate and develop your own to fit in with your expectations and family lifestyle and culture.  Choose age appropriate rules.

1.       Laptops are only used in areas where a parent can see them eg the lounge, dining or family room. No laptops in bedrooms.

2.       Put time limits on the recreational use of the laptops, eg 20-30 mins max/night. Have a rule that recreational use is ‘earned’ after homework and study is completed.

3.       Establish a set screen time limit for mid-week and weekends.

4.       Use the Family Zone software (access is free for CBCC parent) to create boundaries on screen times and sites children can access.

5.       Set a nightly time limit for all technology use. Turn off all laptops, computers and mobile devices at a set time each night. Lock them away if necessary.

6.       I will be checking your device. Regularly check your child’s internet browsing history and let your child know that you will be doing this. Check their device for games – are they permitted? Remind them that it is a condition of the Acceptable Use Contract that they signed at the beginning of the year that they do not visit inappropriate sites.  The advance warning should also review what type of sites are not to be visited by the children, and what type of consequences there could be if such sites show up in the history files. Typically, reviewing the information has to be done every two weeks, in front of the child, on a random basis. This review will help parents identify what sites are the most popular, as well as what sites are being visited “away from school”.

7.       I will be your friend on social network sites. Know about social networking sites that your child is connected to. Insist on being their friend should they have a Facebook account. Check and monitor that they have sufficient privacy settings set. Don’t assist your child in signing up to social networking sites when they are underage.

8.       We will not be digital pirates. We will purchase and acquire all games, movies and music legally.

9.       Set an example in your own use of technology. Have technology free time zones in your day and go on regular technology free weekend escapes.

10.   Ask us for help if needed, we are here to support you in any way we can.

Please remember – YOU are the parent!

Frances McLaren – CBCC Digital Coach

fmclaren@cbcc.qld.edu.au